


It's Not What I Promised Myself

by Astrodynamicist



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: F/M, Ficlet, Post-Canon, Post-War, Stargazing, being sad about life choices, ends on a positive note i swear, in a 'two roads diverged in a golden wood' kind of way
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-25
Updated: 2014-02-25
Packaged: 2018-01-13 17:26:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1234900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Astrodynamicist/pseuds/Astrodynamicist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I never could’ve been an astronaut - even before the accident, my vision wasn’t good enough…. So I was going to be an astrophysicist.”</p><p>“But then the war broke out.”</p><p>“But then the war broke out.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Not What I Promised Myself

Vanessa wakes in the middle of the night and isn’t immediately sure why. The only sound on the air is the music of night insects. There’s no fussing from her daughter’s room, nor any signs of danger. Then she realizes - Hermann has gone.

This isn’t all that strange, these days. Sometimes he has nightmares. Sometimes he gets an idea and has to run to his blackboards and scribble. Regardless, Vanessa throws on a robe to seek him out. She searches all the usual places - but he’s not in his study, nor in the living room, nor in the kitchen (though the latter does show signs of recent tea preparation).

Vanessa leans against the cold countertop. There are no lights on in the house, and everything is quiet, and thus left without clues she really doesn’t know where Hermann has gone. She’s not worried, not yet, but the feeling is beginning to prickle at her stomach. She looks up, and through the window she can see that it’s a perfectly clear night. Stars are scattered like brilliant handfuls of diamonds across the black of the sky. She hadn’t realized how much she’d missed the stars until they’d moved from Hong Kong to this little home in the English countryside. In the city, you’d be lucky to see even two in the sky. Here, when it’s not too cloudy, the view is absolutely gorgeous.

-Oh. Of course.

Vanessa pads to the front hall, and a quick look out a window finds her husband wrapped in a flannel robe, sitting on the porch steps and staring skyward. A fond smile quirks her lips. She opens the door as softly as she can, trying to avoid it creaking like it always does. It creaks anyway. Hermann swivels at the noise, but he beams when he sees it’s Vanessa. “Oh, hello, love. What are you doing up?”

“I was going to ask you the same thing.” She closes the door behind her, crosses to the steps. It’s early autumn, and the air is chill and crisp and carries the faint scent of woodsmoke. Vanessa sits beside her husband and wraps her arms around his narrow frame, presses close - thigh to thigh, chest to shoulder, face to neck.

He nuzzles her. “Couldn’t sleep,” he murmurs into her hair.

“Nightmares?”

He shakes his head. “Just couldn’t fall asleep. Then I started picking at emotional scabs, and well….” He shrugs. Looks back up at the sky. “I figured a cup of tea was called for.” He gestures with the steaming mug.

Vanessa rubs his opposite shoulder. “Your father?”

“No. For once, no.” He taps his fingers against the mug. “...Remember when we were children, how I wanted to be an astronaut?”

“Yes! We’d always play - what did you call it? Space Expedition?”

“It was only Space Expedition until we discovered Star Trek. Then it was Away Mission.”

“Right! We’d always play that together - and force Bastien to be an alien!”

“Ah, but he _liked_ being the Tentacled Thing from Saturn.” They laugh gaily at the memories. But soon Hermann sobers. “I never could’ve been an astronaut - even before the accident, my vision wasn’t good enough…. So I was going to be an astrophysicist.”

“But then the war broke out.”

“But then the war broke out.”

K-Day had changed everything. As the war developed, the shape of the world’s political landscape had changed, entire cities had been wiped out, and millions upon millions of lives had changed. Including those of a doctoral candidate in physics and his girlfriend the model.

“You still could be,” Vanessa says. “You’re a genius and a war hero - any university’s department would take you. Or any space agency, or private company.”

He shakes his head. “That’s not…. I know that. The thing is, I love the work I’m doing. Really I do. The structure of the Breach is _fascinating_ , and even with it closed there’s so much we can learn from it.” He looks back up at the sky. “...It’s just... not what I promised myself when I was ten.”

He leans his weight against Vanessa, and she squeezes him tighter in response. “You could always change research topics later. Or do some astrophysics on the side.”

“I know. I _know_. I’m just being silly.” He turns to kiss her forehead. “I have a beautiful wife, and a beautiful daughter, and work I love. I’m very fortunate.”

“Your ten-year-old self would be proud. Perhaps a bit grossed out that he married the neighbor girl, but…”

“Never!” They laugh. Then for a while they snuggle silently, watching the stars and simply enjoying each other’s closeness.

Hermann sighs. “I just need not to be left alone with my thoughts, don’t I?”

“Well, I can certainly help with that.” She pulls him into a kiss, slow and sensual. He wraps one arm around her, then puts his mug down so he can bury his other fingers in her hair.

Eventually, Hermann breaks off the kiss. He grabs his cane and stands, taking Vanessa’s hand. “Let’s relocate,” he says, voice low and rough. He starts tugging her back towards the door.

Vanessa smirks. “I have a better idea.” She gets up, too, but tugs Hermann in the opposite direction. “It’s such a beautiful night. It’d be a shame to waste it.” And with that, they make love under the stars.

 


End file.
